I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
