i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
