Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
