My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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