im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
