this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize