How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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