So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
