I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
