called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
