I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
