omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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