areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
