my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize