Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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