girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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