i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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