my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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