I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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