Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
