Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
