Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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