I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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