yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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