On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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