i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
