so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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