wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
