I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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