Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
