We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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