I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
