I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
