Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
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