I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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