I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Can I color on your dick again?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
