I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
