yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
