Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
