Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
