we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize