remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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