Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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