well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
