I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
