i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
