I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
two words: eviction party
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
