You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You can't just leave with hair like that
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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