Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
bring money and cleavage
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
