My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He felt like a one man threesome
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
