Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize