Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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