Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
