thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
