you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
