Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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