Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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