i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
