so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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