He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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