remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
