I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
