Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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